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Nov 2

Drag Me To Hell (PG-13,2009) - 3 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Twice the thrills, twice the chills. This is an extremely scary movie about a banker (Allison Lohman) who has a great life. She has a good boyfriend, (Justin Long) a good house, and a good car. But all of that is about to change when she throws an old gypsy out of her own house after having two extensions on her morgage, and puts a curse on her called lamia. SHe soon figures out that lamia is a curse where the victim gets cursed for three days, then gets draged to Hell for am eternity. Now it’s up to her and a fortune teller to get rid of the curse. THis movie is too extreme for kids, and same as the unrated version. The movie has one heck of an ending, and features a talking, cursed, goat, bad dentures, vomiting maggots, and more.

Sep 28

SPOILER REVIEW! Carrie (R,1976) - 2 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Fire. Blood. John Trovolta. This movie has twice the fun, but has no scares. Based on the Stephen King novel, this movie is about a high-school girl who gets picked on. Then, she figures out if she consontrates, she has the ability to move things. But her life changes when she gets a date for the senior prom. Now, here’s the catch. On Netflix, there is a parental guide saying that this movie is for kids 14+. I would keep them away, due to pervasive nutidy, sexual content, and some language. SPOILER ALERT This part of the review will explain why this movie is scary. Carrie and her boyfriend win prom king and queen. But when they get up on the stage, Carrie gets covered with pig blood. Everyone starts to laugh at her. Then, with her power, she loks the doors and windows, and she starts to kill everyone who laughed at her. Only three people survived (One of them John Trovolta). When Carrie walks home, two of the people try to run her over, but Carrie makes the car explode. When she gets home, she takes a bath, then prays with her mom. But then, the mom goes psycho and tries to kill her. But Carrie uses her powers to kill her. Then, out of nowhere, the house falls down. The surviving person then has a dream of her going to the ashes of the house. Out of nowhere, a bloody arm comes out of the ashes and tries to pull her in. She wakes up screaming, and her mom tries to calm her down. Then the movie ends. The reason I gave this a 2 1/2 was because I was very dissapointed by the ending.

Sep 27

Dude, Where's My Car? (PG-13,2000) - 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Dude, what’s the point? This funny yet totally stupid, boing, barbaric, and confusing movie is about two stoners (Sean William Scott and Ashton Kutcher), who can’t remember the party they were at the night before, are in the search for their missing car that has their girlfriends’ aniversary gifts, while four groups threaten them if they don’t get the Continuum Transfunctioner, a powerful device that could destroy the universe, that they apparently had last night. This movie is not approved for people under 14. The ending is very confusing, along with the whole movie. Even though the movie has pretty funny jokes, it doesn’t help the movie.

Aug 27

Ponyo (G,2009) - 4 out of 4 Stars

Hayao Miyazaki new masterpiece, “Ponyo”, is about a boy, Sosuke (Frankie Jonas), who finds a talking goldfish, Ponyo (Noah Cyrus) and Ponyo’s father tries to keep Ponyo away from the humans, because they’re not good. But when Ponyo tastes human blood, she’s able to turn into a human, so she can go back to Sosuke. Parents will find the movie amusing and cute, and kids will love Ponyo’s craving for ham.

Aug 25

Madea Goes to Jail (PG-13,2009) - 1 out of 4 Stars

Tyler Perry’s movie, “Madea Goes to Jail”, should be a big runner-up in the Razzie Awards, because this movie is barely about Madea. It’s about a prostitute and a man who getting married. The prostitute gets into a lot of sticky situations, and the man, Jeff, tries to help her. Jeff’s girlfriend becomes jealous, and thinks he’s cheating. On the other hand, Madea has an anger management problem. She tries to take a hanndicapped spot, but somebody else takes it. So, Madea flips the woman’s car over with a forklift. She goes to court, and the judge sees her records, so she goes to jail. This movie shows violence, sexual content, drug use, and language.

Jul 23

SPOILER REVIEW! One Missed Call (PG-13,2007) - 1/2 out of 4 Stars

Your cell phone rings, but it doesn’t play your ringtone. You start to get suspicous. Should you pick it up? I didn’t think so. Sadly, the idiots in this movie pick their phone up. What they hear is their own death. Then, they get drowsy and start to see evil things. Then, the kind of die wierdly. Did I mention the spit out red candies for no exact reason? Now, you’re probably wondering why I gave it 1/2 of a star. Because the movie is so suspenceful, you want to see the whole movie. A woman named Beth is the first person to discover this, so she hires a detective and they look for clues. SPOILER ALERT In the movie, they look for clues in an orphanage, to go see a little girl. She is very odd. She plays with no one. All she does is look out the window, holding her stuffed bunny. When Beth and the detective get to her, they ask her questions about the phone calls, because she some how knows about them. She doesn’t answer the questions. All she does is give the bunny a little sqeeze on the hand, which plays the same song the cell phones do. Now, I’m gonna skip to the ending. It figures out the death calls starter was the little girl’s sister, Ellie. The detective goes to the orphanage to tell them, while Beth calms down at home. When he gets there, he finds a DVD in the girl’s stuffed bunny. He watches it with the owner of the orphanage. It shows the girl and Ellie in a room. Ellie pulls a knife, goes up to the girl, holds out her wrist, saying “this will only hurt a little”, the cuts her. Their mother walks into the room and sees the bloody wrist. She locks Ellie in her room, but then she starts to have a wierd asma attack. She goes across the room to get her inhaler, but doesn’t make it on time, and dies on the floor. The girl finds out that she’s missing her bunny and goes into the room to get it after the DVD ends. The detective tells her that Ellie started the phone calls. The girl says “but she always gave me candies.” And in her hand is a red candy. Then, the man drives to Beth’s house to tell her everything. When he gets there, the doorbell rings. He looks through the peephole, then falls, because their was now the tip of a bloody knife in it. Then, there is a giant hurricane, and the door falls. There stands Ellie as a ghost, with her hood on and a knife in her right hand. She goes up to Beth, but then the mother as a ghost pushes her into the detective’s cell phone, then dissapears. Beth walks into the hall, breathing deeply, while a phone rings. Then the movie ends.

Jul 22

The House Bunny (PG-13,2008) - 3 out of 4 Stars

The House Bunny is cute, funny, and girly. It has Anna Faris as Shelly Darlingson, a star for Playboy, who gets kicked out of the Playboy Mansion for being “59 in bunny years”, but then finds a job: to be the housemother for the soroity house, Zeta, that is going to close down. Now it’s up to Shelly, Natalie, Mona, Harmony, Joanne, Lily, and Carrie Mae to become popular and get 30 pledges before Tanya gets the house to fit more room for her pledges. This movie shows partial nutidy and has foul language. There is also some crude content, like getting the Zetas to sing “Like a Virgin” on a karaoke machine and changing the lyrics. One person gets hooked into the song and she sings about the being losers. They also mildly talk about vomiting and they show calenders with sexual content in it.

Jul 21

Psycho (R,1960) - 4 out out 4 Stars

If I had some seven-year-old children who really wanted to dig deep into a horror movie, I give this one a go. In the 1960’s, this movie was the horror bloodbath,the king of scariness,etc. Today, it’s the perfect movie for the starters of horror movies. One reason is that it’s in black and white, and they used chocolate syrup for blood. It’s still directed by one of the greatest directors ever, Alfred Hitchcock. It’s about a woman Marion, who steals $40,000 who goes to the Bates Motel to hide, and once you go in motel room #1, you’re finished. Now the killer’s on the loose! Marion was killed, and her friends try to reveal the murderer. But the murderer tries to stop them.If you let your child watch this movie, make sure a parent is watching it with them.

Jun 17

Taken (PG-13,2009) - 4 out of 4 Stars

Imagine this: You’re watching a reapeat of your favorite TV show (let’s just say it was Arrested Development) and you find out that Taken has just started playing. Screw a cancelled show with Jason Bateman, go Taken! This action packed movie with Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace is totally unpredictable and will leave you speechless. It all starts with a 17-year-old girl (Maggie Grace) who gets her dad (Liam Neeson) to go with her friend to Paris for vacation. But, it all goes wrong when kidnappers come into the house and she is taken (get it?). But the whole time, his dad was on the phone. So, he goes to Paris to kill the victims if they don’t tell him where the girls are. This movie is iffy for 10-year-olds, but people older than 12 will have no trouble with understanding it! If you are a Bourne fan, you’re going to love Taken.

Apr 25

Baby Mama (PG-13, 2008) - 3 out of 4 Stars

Starring the two masters of Saturday Night Live, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, this dramady is about a woman (Tina Fey) who can’t get pregneant, so she hires a women (Amy Poehler), to have the baby for her, which is called a baby mama. This movie should have been R, for it have very random quotes about sex. Kids won’t understand this movie. It also has fake throwing up, night clubs, and a surprise apperence from Steve Martin with a ponytail.